Will you be my rebound tonight?

Anyone who has ever just gotten out of a long-term relationship has first-hand experience with this. It’s almost as if people do with it without even noticing, and no matter how hard people try, these relationships never make the previous one go away completely, it just ends up getting masked and put on the back burner to dwell on in the future. Some call these relationships “pain numbing and a temporary release from the sadness” we all know them as rebound relationships, and as much as you want to deny it, you too, have had your share of these.

So why do we do this? Are we really that shallow that we need constant companionship and absolutely not be alone? Or is that we have to prove to ourselves that we can still get someone if we had to? This rebounding phenomenon makes no sense, which is why this blog is going to explore the rebound relationship.

For those of you who are completely lost and have never heard of this before, a rebounding relationship is defined as the following: when you or your partner are still affected by a previous significant relationship that impacts on either the quality of the current relationship of your perception of it. In other words, when you are in a rebound relationship you tend to spend a lot of time focusing on your previous one. Focusing on what could have been, what went wrong, wondering if you did the right thing in breaking up and while you are doing this you are also draining the potential of your current one to be successful. Often times rebound relationships are very short term, lasting a few months, maybe three weeks, maybe even one or two nights. Most people say the idea of a rebound relationship is to be distracted from the previous one, that’s all that rebounds are meant to do.

According to divorcesupport.com, there is a few things rebound relationships are meant to do: distract, mask the pain, and create high unrealistic expectations. Cathy Meyer, author of the “Rebound Relationship,” she says rebounds are a distraction, “It is a connection to another person that keeps up from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It’s a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a lot more fun than dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.”

Meyer also says that people make common mistakes when getting into rebound relationships, she says, “Don’t go into a rebound relationship expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcoming and mistakes of the old partner.” High expectations can often times lead to disappointment, which will almost always result in the relationship ending. Having an open mind is the best idea even when that may not always be the easiest thing to do.
Masking the pain is a common mechanism we use when rebounding, Meyer says, “This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship, usually someone ends up being used and hurt as a result. If you are in a relationship to distract yourself from the pain of a broken heart then you are using person. More than likely when that person has served their purpose you will move on, leaving them to pick up the pieces. Be honest with your new relationship partner about your intentions.” This analogy is true, rebounds are meant to put of the pain for a short period of time when the person knows that the pain will still be there waiting to be dealt with.

In other words smartest thing to do is to give the break up time, people always say time heals all things for a reason, and to move on when you’re ready. Everyone is different so it really is hard to tell when it’s too soon to be moving on, some move on faster than others. But if you think you are in a rebound relationship, odds are you are. Rebound relationships really don’t do anything for people other than get their minds off the pain, but that is not to say that all rebound relationships are destined to be a failure, that part is up to you to make it work.