A family of strict traditions

Twice baked potatoes, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, apple pie (for me), pumpkin pie (for my parents), biscuits, turkey of course and cranberry sauce for my mom is the year after year Thanksgiving menu, and it never gets old.

I look forward to Thanksgiving every year, there’s something about Thanksgiving that warms my heart so, more than Christmas oddly enough.

Thanksgiving, to me, is about family coming together, sitting around and just spending time together doing nothing or whatever it is a particular family has a tradition of doing.

My family isn’t big, well actually it’s just my mom, my dad, and myself every year for Thanksgiving and that really is okay with me because that’s all I have never known. I have no brothers or sisters, and all of my grandparents are deceased, so it’s just us.

My family and I sit around, eat all day, watch movies, and sleep and it’s awesome. I really couldn’t ask for anything better.

For some reason every year my mom asks, “Now what would you like special this year for Thanksgiving dinner?” And I really have no idea why she asks because every year it’s the same answer, twice backed potatoes.

So the yearly routine goes as follows: we get up around 11 a.m. or so have hot chocolate, read the newspapers finding where all the good deals for black Friday are, then my parents usually banter for about an hour or so about what time they should put the turkey in oven. By the time they are done trying to figure that out, they both come to the realization that it should have gone in about an hour ago, so they frantically put it in, it’s quite funny to watch actually.

About this time we are usually eating cheese and crackers about to pop in the first movie, really great for our metabolism considering Thanksgiving is the single day that people eat the most out of the entire year.

The movie we watch every year, “For the love of the Game,” is truly a great love story. My mom doesn’t even make it half way through the movie and she’s already asleep, one year she didn’t even make it past the opening credits, which was quite sad to say the least. Come to think of it I have no idea why she calls it “our” movie when she can never watch it with me except maybe one Thanksgiving a while ago.

Continuing on.

Somewhere along the line I fall asleep too and catch up on all the sleep I have been deprived of being so busy with school and work during the semester. And after we all wake up from our catnaps it is usually time for us to eat the big dinner, which usually lasts about 15 minutes or so.

My mom’s famous phrase, “Cook all day for 15 minutes of eating,” which I couldn’t agree with more.

Then we take one look at the kitchen with our full bellies and all simultaneously let out this horrible groan and can’t believe we actually have to clean up that entire mess that we call our kitchen.

After the cleanup, which usually takes a half hour at least, we struggle back over to couch and plop down exhausted, fat and full- just the way it should be.

About an hour after that it’s time for apple pie for me and pumpkin for my parents, thus concluding our quiet, uneventful Thanksgiving tradition with just the three of us.

I should mention that every Thanksgiving night I go to bed thinking “I am never eating again, I really do mean it this time” and that usually lasts for about three hours when I’m back in the kitchen eating leftovers.

The co-worker relationship: pro’s and con’s

Let’s face it if we aren’t at school taking notes, stressing out, socializing then we are spending a lot of time at work paying for our alcohol habit on the weekend among other things.

But while we are at work, on our down time if there is any, we tend to do some socializing there as well; we’re only human after all. The real question is, is this a good idea? Should we even have friends at work? Is the co-worker friendship damaging or beneficial?

Let’s look at all the bad things that can happen first. Too much socializing can cause one or both to not get their work done, further leading to write-ups or the unspeakable termination.

Next there are these evil things called “work cliques,” for those who are unaware of what they are, it is when there are various groups of people who have become close friends and tend to alienate other groups of people who have not formed their particular clique.

Cliques can cause a negative work environment for those who are not in one and the pressure to be in one can be excruciating if one really does want to fit in. It’s almost like resorting back to high school days in a sense.

But then there are some really good things that can come out of a co-worker relationship.

Developing friends at work can make the workplace enjoyable and exciting. I mean c’mon, how horrible would it be to go to work everyday and not know anyone, hate everyone there and just over all be a miserable mess for eight hours? Certainly not me.

Life is all about building relationships and that definitely does not exclude work. We are there to do a job but to also network yourself and show others that you aren’t a total grouch and are fun to be around.

Now that doesn’t mean spilling your entire life story and telling everyone at work your most personal intimate issues and details, like some “chatty Kathy’s” tend to do, but sharing the facts and keeping conversation light and professional is always the smartest thing to do.

With all the things above considered having co-workers as friends is really just another great way to open yourself up to someone and creating memories.

Will you be my rebound tonight?

Anyone who has ever just gotten out of a long-term relationship has first-hand experience with this. It’s almost as if people do with it without even noticing, and no matter how hard people try, these relationships never make the previous one go away completely, it just ends up getting masked and put on the back burner to dwell on in the future. Some call these relationships “pain numbing and a temporary release from the sadness” we all know them as rebound relationships, and as much as you want to deny it, you too, have had your share of these.

So why do we do this? Are we really that shallow that we need constant companionship and absolutely not be alone? Or is that we have to prove to ourselves that we can still get someone if we had to? This rebounding phenomenon makes no sense, which is why this blog is going to explore the rebound relationship.

For those of you who are completely lost and have never heard of this before, a rebounding relationship is defined as the following: when you or your partner are still affected by a previous significant relationship that impacts on either the quality of the current relationship of your perception of it. In other words, when you are in a rebound relationship you tend to spend a lot of time focusing on your previous one. Focusing on what could have been, what went wrong, wondering if you did the right thing in breaking up and while you are doing this you are also draining the potential of your current one to be successful. Often times rebound relationships are very short term, lasting a few months, maybe three weeks, maybe even one or two nights. Most people say the idea of a rebound relationship is to be distracted from the previous one, that’s all that rebounds are meant to do.

According to divorcesupport.com, there is a few things rebound relationships are meant to do: distract, mask the pain, and create high unrealistic expectations. Cathy Meyer, author of the “Rebound Relationship,” she says rebounds are a distraction, “It is a connection to another person that keeps up from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It’s a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a lot more fun than dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.”

Meyer also says that people make common mistakes when getting into rebound relationships, she says, “Don’t go into a rebound relationship expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcoming and mistakes of the old partner.” High expectations can often times lead to disappointment, which will almost always result in the relationship ending. Having an open mind is the best idea even when that may not always be the easiest thing to do.
Masking the pain is a common mechanism we use when rebounding, Meyer says, “This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship, usually someone ends up being used and hurt as a result. If you are in a relationship to distract yourself from the pain of a broken heart then you are using person. More than likely when that person has served their purpose you will move on, leaving them to pick up the pieces. Be honest with your new relationship partner about your intentions.” This analogy is true, rebounds are meant to put of the pain for a short period of time when the person knows that the pain will still be there waiting to be dealt with.

In other words smartest thing to do is to give the break up time, people always say time heals all things for a reason, and to move on when you’re ready. Everyone is different so it really is hard to tell when it’s too soon to be moving on, some move on faster than others. But if you think you are in a rebound relationship, odds are you are. Rebound relationships really don’t do anything for people other than get their minds off the pain, but that is not to say that all rebound relationships are destined to be a failure, that part is up to you to make it work.

The Malabar: A chill spot for young people

“That’s not what I ordered. I ordered the meatloaf” were the first words uttered walking into the Malabar, any sane person would have left right then and there. But even hungry bellies make people do weird things.

While the food is moderately priced, there is something on the menu called “The early bird special” that gives its customers half the amount of food for half the price at dinner time which is nice for people, especially students, on a budget.

No alcohol was consumed while at the Malabar, but the drink prices were reasonable for the location and area. The area is conveniently located right off the Interstate 5 freeway, right off the Del Paso Rd. exit on the right hand, there is no way to miss this wondrous sight.

The server seemed a bit preoccupied and at times unaware of the fact that she was serving four tables at one time. Aside from her being perpetually busy, she never failed to make sure a drink was refilled or that extra salad dressing was supplied when needed which is a definite plus.

The salmon with mashed potatoes and vegetables, eaten while during the early bird special, was barbequed a little too much but the veggies were cooked well and the sauce it was prepared it was of a spicy chipotle family but not overbearing.

Aside from the salads and soups there are no vegetarian dishes for people who follow that strict “religion.”

The atmosphere was pretty relaxed; the majority of the restaurant goers were professional business people or a younger crowd of people, which was refreshingly nice.

The facilities were quite plush. Automatic soap dispenser as well as automatic towel dispensers makes the Malabar modern as well as unique to other fine dinning restaurants.

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness” is oh so true for the Malabar. It was almost spotless on first glance; the bus boy was constantly cleaning tables or even cleaning counters that looked like they didn’t need cleaning. Trust that your food is being handled in safe and sanitary environment.

All in all the Malabar was of a good rating. Good atmosphere, very clean, average food, reasonable prices with the option of specials which people always like to take advantage of. A good place to recommend to anyone that wants to enjoy good food on a reasonable budget.

First Impressions: how important are they?

Say your best friend, Stephanie, sets you up on a blind date. Nothing serious, just coffee at the local college hang out spot. Your friend tells you nothing more about this person other then that the two of you are to meet there at 8 p.m. and that you should look for someone wearing white. So you get there, find a seat where you can easily see the door and scope out anyone wearing white who walks through the door when suddenly a guy wearing baggy jeans, no shoes and a ripped white shirt comes walking towards you, sits down and says, “Uh hi, I’m Bobby. Stephanie made you sound a lot prettier than you really are, so let’s just get this over with.”

What do you do?

For one you should slap Bobby in the face and walk out, but you should also re-think letting Stephanie set you up on a blind date. Ever again.

First impressions are everything. Think about it, how many times have we met someone and critiqued every little thing about them from the way he or she is dressed, hygiene, even how he or she has their hair styled? Many times. The littlest things like too much facial hair, too many freckles, bushy eyebrows, or weird moles easily turn off some people.

Lets face it; we are harsh when it comes to first impressions.

First impressions can make or break any situation. From job interviews to introducing yourself to your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents, it’s all about the way you present yourself, the firmness of that first handshake, eye contact, mannerism and so much more. People sometimes forget how important first impressions are.

Experts say that the first seven seconds are the most important moments in first meeting someone. According to Lydia Ramsey in her article, “First Impressions: How seven seconds can make a deal” she says, “When you meet someone face-to-face, 93 percent of how you are judged is based on non-verbal date- your appearance and your body language. Only seven percent is influenced by the words that you speak.”

This is completely true; we judge each other by the way the other person carries himself or herself. We critique how the person walks and presents himself or herself not so much about what her or she says.

But that doesn’t mean you can just mumble out some nonsense even if you have a great mannerism, the words you speak are important as well.

Positive comments and affirmations are the best way to be remembered, in a good way. Saying what Bobby above said is definitely not a positive affirmation. As humans we feed off of vibes and energy and if someone’s first impression of you is a negative one complaining about how much you hate your life and everyone in it and wish you could just kill them all, that really sends a bad vibe to the person you are meeting for the first time. Not to mention the fact that he or she now might think you are homicidal.

I mean after all, wouldn’t you present yourself the way you want others to perceive you?

THE BRAND NEW RELATIONSHIP

My relationship column ironically hits a little close to home this time around being as how I just got into a relationship yesterday, so I figured I would blog about brand new relationship.

He said, “I really like you and I think we should be together” and I said yes, thus beginning a new and exciting relationship.

While getting into a new relationship, whether it is a gay or straight one, can be exhilarating and blissful, there are a few crucial things that need to happen in order to keep a new couple, well… blissful.

There are hundreds of online articles about new relationships all of which giving advice something like “communication is key, always be honest, be yourself” and so on, but what a lot of those articles don’t say is what not to do.

One key thing not to do is have sex right away. While this may seem like a “yeah I already knew this” phenomenon, jumping right into something so intimate without knowing the other person makes the relationship die quicker before it even started.

Make sure you tell the other about your vices. Talking about bad habits is a good way to show the other that you want them there in the long run.

Don’t spill all your personal details about your ex. It might really easy to bash the him or her, but all this does is show your new boyfriend or girlfriend how bitter and resentful you which is definitely a negative way to start a relationship. If he or she asks questions about your ex, answer them but don’t pour all those old feelings out. This new relationship is about you and whomever you’re with, not you and him or her and your ex. Leaving it alone is your best bet.

Getting all of the ugly stuff out of the way is the hard part, it’s also important to enjoy each other, fully.

Go out and do things. Go to a coffee shop, see a band, go to the movies and take road trips. The couple that goes places together stays together. Immediately becoming the “stay at home, being bored” can get old really fast. Being active keeps things exciting and new and that is exactly what a new relationship should be.

Honesty and trust is a given, but really being honest and really trusting the other is key. If you see this new and exciting relationship going somewhere really give it your all, make it all it can be.

Another important aspect is not caring about what the people around you think. Being together is a big step in itself and sometimes outsiders can easily influence the relationship, but only if you let it. So make sure you’re in the relationship for the right reasons and not to make the people around you happy.

Lastly, have fun with it and try not to worry about every detail too much. The exciting part of the whole relationship is having someone unexpectedly wonderful come into your life and change everything forever. Trust me, I know.

The long distant relationship: can it work?

There isn’t anything worse than being in a relationship with the one you love when he or she lives 10,000 miles away or half way across the continent. The hardships of a long distant relationship, some couples simply can’t take the space while others find ways to work around it.

Long distant relationships can work; it’s all about using your imagination, and following a few important guidelines.

First, establish the relationship rules in the beginning. Not knowing the rules of what is and is not expected of the other person never helps better a relationship. It is important to know if the relationship is considered an open relationship where both are free to casually date other people since their significant other cannot be near them. Setting the ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ is essential.

Second, communicate every single day, whether is be via e-mail, AIM, web cam, text message, mail or phone, communication is all a long distant relationship has to survive. If there is no communication it is very easy to start feeling insecure about the other and that’s when arguments arise.

Next, expressing your feelings is so crucial, how else is the relationship supposed to grow? If one feels lonely and depressed not being able to be with the other everyday then that needs to be discussed. Talk about it; make sure to hold nothing back. Express those feelings until your blue in the face!

Show him or her what the other means to you, send care packages to show how much the relationship means to you. CD’s with notes attached, maybe make a picture frame with the picture of you two inside, or if you are really talented, knit a blanket and spray it with your favorite perfume or cologne. May sound cheesy, but it’s the little things that can make or break a long distant relationship.

Getting creative and thinking of unique things to do really is the key to making a long distant relationship last. A few articles on the Internet suggest watching your favorite television show or your favorite movie together.

Some couples may not realize this, but another very important aspect of a long distant relationship is going to visit one another. Visits are absolutely necessary in keeping the relationship alive, as humans, physical contact is crucial. Making sacrifices to show one another that they are in this for the long run and even thought they lives thousands of miles away they can make it work.

Another important thing to remember is that anything is possible, so if you really want to stay together and make it work it will. Long distant relationships are the hardest to survive but if a couple can make it work, then that says a lot about their relationship in the future, it means they can withstand anything.
While some couples may seem long distant relationships are impossible, like me, they really aren’t, commitment and true dedication is the key. If two people really have the desire to make it work, it will, just have to have faith.