As the old saying goes: men are from mars and women are from Venus. The two are just too different to ever be anything other than sexual partners.
But is that really true? Can a man and a woman really be just friends? Some say that both are naturally sexual beings and could never see the other in any other way. While other say that it is completely possible to be just friends and not see the other gender in a sexual way.
Before this question can be answered it is necessary to look at some studies done on this puzzling question.
Relationship expert, Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York, said, “The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance.” (Camille Chatterjee, psychologytoday.com) Meaning that in the older days men only looked at woman as sexual objects because of the way they were raised, but as traditions have changed so has the mentality of men and women. We grow up in some pretty exciting times when are no longer seen as superior to women and with that change comes a different mind frame.
Another important aspect to mention is the homosexual male and female relationship, which often does exist. Now the woman may in some weird way feel attracted, sexually, to him but he obviously does not feel the same way since he prefers males. In that case, yes, men and woman can be just friends, definitely.
Now lets consider the heterosexual male and heterosexual female relationship, a recent survey done shows that anywhere from 58% to 62% of people in cross-relationships report sexual attraction or sexual tension. (Afifi, 200, oppapers.com) More than half of the reasons given for their answer were that sex always got in the way of their cross-relationship and there was just no other way around it. There have been many times when men and women have hooked up and realized that a relationship between them could never work so they decide to be friends instead, that is how more than half of men-women relationships form. And there is nothing wrong with this, most of those relationships turn out to be great.
Then there are others that feel that they could never be friends with someone of the opposite sex, they feel it is simply impossible.
How the relationship starts dictates how to the relationship will end. If a man and woman start out as more than friends, have sex but have zero attraction to the other, then they could end up never talking again. On the other hand, if a man and woman start out strictly as friends and feel no romantic chemistry towards each other then there is a good chance they will end up as just friends.
While this question is a very difficult one to answer, it boils down to the person. Is the person able to be in a friendship with someone of the opposite sex and not be sexually attracted to him or her? Or does sex always get in the way? Men and woman are two very sexual beings and to carry on a healthy friendship between the two seems difficult if not impossible. But there are millions of people in the world that carry on relationships like this everyday.
The real question is how many people in these men-women friendships look at the other person in a sexual way and are just too afraid to say or show it?
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1 comment:
The writer asks some good questions and could have answered a few of them more fully.
Still provocative and easy to read.
One area left out: what about age differences when it comes to relationships?
The column hits at, I suspect, people who are in their 20s or perhaps 30s. But most of the population (including column readers) is much farther along in years.
In the case of Linda Sapadin, it might be more accurate to just call her a psychologist and not a relationship expert, unless some more credentials are offered.
Overall, a good first 'specialty column.' We'll have to see how the relationship develops.
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